True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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