im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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