He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
