she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
