theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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