So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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