I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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