You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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