walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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