Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
