I will die if light touches me.
Small penises have feelings too.
Do vagina's smell?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
