i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
