i barfeds in our rink
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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