Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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