If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you will always have a special place in my vag
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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