for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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