I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
