I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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