just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
