Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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