KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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