Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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