Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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