Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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