sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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