My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
