Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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