Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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