i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
