Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
