I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
