Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
