Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sext me about skeletons
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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