I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
