omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
