shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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