Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
