she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's like iHOP with fire
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
