Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
