What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
