You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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