the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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