You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
