I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
