when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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