So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize