I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
