my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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