I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
