Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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