Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize