just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
