Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
