youre lurking in front of me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
