Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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