life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
