At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize