i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
