maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this beer tastes like vomit already
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize