You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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