I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
