You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
