like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How's work?
Spinning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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