remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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