Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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