the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
