if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
