is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
