weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
