an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize