Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
