i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
