I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
