I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
