Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
