no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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