Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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